Saturday, September 11, 2010

Or am I just ....

I think this has been a life long struggle --- trying to be connected to many people. 

We all know I'm a bit of a Facebook junkie.  Not in the games department, but in the posting area.  Some of my friends post witty questions.  Others post these inward examining quotes.  Another proclaims their love for electric gardening tools.  Each to their own.  I like to make people laugh.  So, I generally post something that has made me chuckle.  And as Sutton form will have it, it's a little off the wall. 

One friend asked me, "How often to do you post on Facebook?" -- a lot, my people need me!

But, the other day I realized that with my cell phone as my main FB interaction, I don't really see when people's birthdays are.  I rarely give that shout of cheer to them (mind you, those who read my blog are often those who actually get a bday post - I feel I know you better!)  And then I began to notice all the other things that I've been missing: weddings, babies, struggles, hardship.  I have to wonder, am I losing my connectivity or am I just .....

What? what is it that drives me to "go away world" and hole up in my own little existence?  What urge makes me put that one foot in front of the other almost with blinders on?  I don't think it's survival.  I think I'm just selfish.  Grievously selfish.  Selfish to the point where I wonder who I've missed in the jumble of my world.  Wondering who's heart has been crushed because of my stupidity or inward focus. 

As JPJ always says, "It's not about me, it's about Christ and His Kingdom."  And I'm letting It down.  My brother would always caution me -- "You don't need 100 friends, just a couple will do."  True, but I love have my hand in these different pots of people.  The FL's, the MD's, the Ministry, the UF's, the WA's, the RTS', all part of my world at some point in time.  But, I'm not as connect to them as I could be.  So again, am I just selfish?  Am I hurting those who need more than just a hand in a pot?  And how much do I need in the pot - from me and them?

ps. FYI - I and 2 sweet friends from my pot made about 20 batches of Rice Krispie treats to create Mickey Head lollipops to dip in chocolate last night.  That's right - 194 of those little suckers are waiting for the ravenous masses to descend upon the 2nd Annual Sweets & Songs.  They are gonna eat 'em and like it!