Contentment?

I read the following today --

Morning and Evening - Spurgeon - Feb 16

“I have learned, in whatever state I am, therewith to be content.” -- Philippians 4:11

These words show us that contentment is not a natural propensity of man. “Ill weeds grow apace.” Covetousness, discontent, and murmuring are as natural to man as thorns are to the soil. We need not sow thistles and brambles; they come up naturally enough, because they are indigenous to earth: and so, we need not teach men to complain; they complain fast enough without any education. But the precious things of the earth must be cultivated. If we would have wheat, we must plough and sow; if we want flowers, there must be the garden, and all the gardener’s care. Now, contentment is one of the flowers of heaven, and if we would have it, it must be cultivated; it will not grow in us by nature; it is the new nature alone that can produce it, and even then we must be specially careful and watchful that we maintain and cultivate the grace which God has sown in us. Paul says, “I have learned ... to be content;” as much as to say, he did not know how at one time. It cost him some pains to attain to the mystery of that great truth. No doubt he sometimes thought he had learned, and then broke down. And when at last he had attained unto it, and could say, “I have learned in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content,” he was an old, grey-headed man, upon the borders of the grave—a poor prisoner shut up in Nero’s dungeon at Rome. We might well be willing to endure Paul’s infirmities, and share the cold dungeon with him, if we too might by any means attain unto his good degree. Do not indulge the notion that you can be contented with learning, or learn without discipline. It is not a power that may be exercised naturally, but a science to be acquired gradually. We know this from experience. Brother, hush that murmur, natural though it be, and continue a diligent pupil in the College of Content.

Glimpses of God's grace have been invading my soul as of late.  The desire to  know Jesus to really be the name that holds more than anything, the reality that my place is where the Gospel will be found ... these have been bouncing around as this contentment talk comes up.  I've realized lately that I have been living in a "what if" mentality rather than an "Ok, what's now" thought. 

Contentment -- not just of being satisfied.  But, being willing to accept - to acquiesce.

Today I got to learn some contentment.  I got an email from a boss that stated I shouldn't have done one thing until another was fully completed.  Stupid pointless story for the focus of learning.  We've all been there -- certain we've been "unfairly" corrected.  Wanting to correct those who are teaching us.  Desiring to respond in the like: "I was gonna do that next ..."; "This was a different situation than normal ... "; "You never told me about this ... "  You get the picture.  The desire to right the wrong that's been put to us.

And just as my little fingers got to moving on the keyboard, the Spirit graciously stepped in and reminded me of a few things -- Remember Jesus?  They won't even really let him be the King he said he was.  They mocked, taunted and scorned him for the things he did and said.  They hit him, spit on him and pulled out his beard.  And he didn't do anything.  He didn't fight back, he didn't talk back, he didn't defend himself.  He acquiesced.  He was willing to accept that which was given to him.  More unfair than my email, more unjust than my correction, more difficult to accept than one sentence of text.  Beautiful.

I didn't email anything back.  I made a note to do better next time.  I moved on.  The Spirit was at work.  Beautiful.

I'm learning contentment.

Promises

On my mirror I've got a saying written with dry erase marker: "Never make God's promises into hopes or dreams -- know them as reality!" I resigned from my job in October. I knew it was what God wanted me to do. I knew it was the right decision -- so much so that when asked at an interview what major accomplishment I had done in the past 6 months I noted this decision as my piece to brag about. I really had huge amounts of peace in the midst of major uncertainty. My peace I will leave with you.

But, then I couldn't find a job. I sent out resume upon resume. People told me, "There are positions at my work - give me your resume, and I'll get you in." I gave my resume, but still nothing. No calls, no responses, no interviews, nothing. And I started to spiral. I know that the only reason I didn't go crazy was because of God's goodness. Cast all your cares upon me for I care for you. I told my small group that I felt I was in the mishmangle of redirection. I couldn't find a place to live, I couldn't figure out what I was going to do about my computer situation, I couldn't figure out how I was going to survive. Oh, and then I got a call that my back up plan of returning to Orlando was bust -- the condo was rented! The sparrows don't reap or sow, but God watches over them -- how much more does he care for you!?

So, I packed my office, I moved it all out, I resigned myself to the notion that I wouldn't have any work. And finally, during my last 2 days of work - I got an interview call. And during that meeting when asked about my weaknesses I said, "I have a problem keeping my mouth shut." Seriously, that's what I said. Let your yes be yes and your no be no. And then I waited. My job finished yet, I was back at the church finishing up some projects. That's right I went to work -getting frustrated and sad and discouraged. It was the first time throughout this whole process that I was sinking and sinking fast. Just at that moment a call came.

They called me with an offer! I started today. Never will I leave you, nor forsake you. As my sweet friend Christina said, "You were out of work for 6 days. That is amazing!" I'm working in corporate customer service. How perfect does that fit my skills?!? So, I'm packing my house -- need to downsize in many areas. Having to learn new ways to get to work. And being reminded that God was in the midst. For you Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you. Even those who don't always seek -- his promises are a reality.

Whiter than the snow

I love the imagery of the Psalms. Often it was the only poetry that I actually got with regards to imagery. When I see a Shakespeare movie I always pray beforehand, "God, please open my ears and mind to make sense of what they are saying. I just don't get it most of the time, and I need your help." That's truth! So it's not terribly surprising that as a Florida girl, I've never really understood what David meant when he said, "...wash me, and I will be whiter than snow." A few weeks ago it came into focus as I looked at the 20 inches of snow we got.

Winters here are gloomy. The leaves are gone. The grass is brown. The flowers are non-existent. You might see a pop of color from a bird, but most have moved southward. Brown is the predominant color. People wear dark clothes, clouds are covering more often than not, and heads are down to the ground to keep the wind off faces. There is a perpetual longing in the air for change and a hope for new growth. All wait for spring to arrive and know that they must toil through about 3 months of dreariness to get to the end. And then, a sweet surprise comes when snow falls.

Snow has this ability to cover everything. In its quiet falling it blankets the ground, the trees, the roads, the homes, the dirt, the mud, the garbage, the pain, the hurt of this world. You look out into the yard and all you see is white. Where there was once a pile of crap you see a beautiful mound of happiness. Where there was once brown grass mile after mile of new running space exist without the hassles of old messes. The gleam from the sunlight makes everything sparkle like new. And the people feel the excitement. Like kids on Christmas, the doors crack open, the sleds come out, the parents make hot cocoa, and the joy begins.

As with us and our sin -- Isaiah shares, "Though your sins are like scarlet, they will be as white as snow..." It makes sense now -- all the mess is covered. It isn't seen any longer, it doesn't create a putrid stench, it doesn't create an eyesore for all of the neighbors to see, it no longer blocks your sight with the mountain you have to climb. Instead those stains are covered in a freshness that rejuvenates us while drawing us back to the foot of the cross and reminding us of our need of a Savior for we can't make the snow fall, nor can we make ourselves clean.

I wonder if that's where I've been sitting? Trying to make the snow fall.... and falling for a false joy?