long roads

Recently, I've been having to do a project for which I procrastinated for about 2 months. It got so bad, that having it due on Wednesday I did it on Tuesday. I just didn't want to do it. But, it needed to be completed. I called some prayer people and got them churning. They pulled on up to the throne of grace and pour my burdens there. As I finished my task, I realized that I've been blessed with a great many people who would go to bat for me.

People are always asking me if I've found my place here in Maryland. I'm not sure. I answer them that I feel it sometimes. Sometimes I feel that I've gotten to a zone in which I can be myself. Sometimes I've hit a stride that takes me further. Sometimes I find a nitch that pulls me along. Sometimes I feel as if I've hit a rock. And in those times I need those go to bat people.

And I'm finding them -- oddly enough, you are one of them. Knowing certain people read my blog when I get to posting keeps me going. It keeps me accountable to deal with what I'm feeling. And yes, Facebook is another place I find my batty people. heehee - that made me laugh. You know, getting to read these notes about people's worlds, their observations, their quirks keeps me from going crazy. And they like to read mine! Being a non-mold fitter, I don't exactly fit everyone's plans for what I should be. But, somehow those who have know me a long time get that quirky, non-fitted essence of me. And when I post odd things or put up pictures of my toes in orange and lemon slice sandals - they get it.

Today, I read about a friend's father who died yesterday. I get it. When my dad died almost 15 years ago, it was hard to understand that others knew what I was feeling. Oh, but I get it. The pain is brutal. The tears are endless. The emotions are numbing. I get it. The loss seems as if it outnumbers what was had. The emptiness expands until there is no way anything could ever replace it. The why's ring out in that cavernous void of the heart. I get it.

I finished that blasted project and was complimented on it. They were impressed with the work I had done. I knew I could do the thing, I just didn't want to. I think I just didn't want to feel as if I was really having to do this job on my own. I need my people. I need people here and elsewhere. We all need it. To be heard, to be known, to be remembered.

Psalm 116:15 "Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his saints."