It's obvious - my blogging days might be over. I don't really want that to be the case. But, my heart just isn't there. It's not found its full joy. It's not regained a real hope. It's just not in me.
I want to blog to tell you about my fun world -- and it is fun. From producing theatrical to hitting just about every sporting event in the past few week to finding a doctor with the name Mrs. Iwona Bangham (that name is real - honest!) all sorts of things should draw me out of this mud house I'm in. But nothing has cracked the walls. They are hard packed and thick. They loom above letting little light enter.
I'm still a bottom dweller - living in my generous friend's basement. I still like my adventures. I miss having Friday's off. I still hope to be married. I still hope to be a mom -- but so many are having such struggles with their pregnancies and their kids -- I don't know if I have it in me. The 8th grandchild of our world is to be born in December. The 1st is getting married in May.... *sigh*
And I miss my things -- which sit in storage.
I've finally admitted to God that I just really don't know what to say to Him -- at all. Not even heart cries come forth ... and that scares me to no end.
Take heart - I get up and work, I spend time with friends, I laugh a lot, I'm loving my co-workers, and in the midst of it all I hope they see Jesus, cause I've got nothing else to give them.
So, to blog or not to blog. I don't know. Of course, it might become my journal, so prepare yourself whichever end might occur. And why, though published to the entirety of the universe, do I think only 2 people can read this?
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