You all know that I really like who God has made me to be. I love what he has done in my world, through my world, for my world. I love that this laughter factor is part of what he envisioned for me to be. I love how I think about things, how he shows up in random places, how Jesus whispers in his father's ear over and over, "She's one to love! I died for her, she's my sister." I love that he's used me in so many ways and not just by my actions, but who I am affects people -- for good things!
And yet, even when I know I am exactly who God wants me to be -- all the while molding me to be more like Jesus -- I doubt that and act otherwise. Some friends up here are trying to set me up with men they know. And having given them the permission to pass along the info on my blog, my awareness that they might be reading this is causing me to act differently. I'm fearful to be as funny. I'm cautious to not be edgy. I'm not acting like the Debby I was made to be. Really, I don't trust what God has done is a good thing. I'm more willing to listen to Satan's lies that God isn't really interested in making me something that brings him glory -- so I have to change in order to make me "better." As Mr. Proko used to say, "That's a lie from the pit of hell!" Everybody, now, let's say it together! Straight from the pit of hell!
In the same nature, this past weekend I realized another lie I tell myself. While attending the PCA's CE&P conference in Hotlanta - yes I was there, no I didn't call my dear Smith friends, yes I'm terribly sorry - we heard Anthony Bradley rock it out in a talk about teens and the church. One major point of his talk is the pressure that we place on teens: to be the best in their class (only one person can be the best), to have a certain job/major (wouldn't it be more honoring to God to let the kid pick the job/degree that best suits what God has made them to be), to demand so much of a child that they lose a kingdom perspective (you must do sports, you must do extra-curricular, you must be with the rights kids, you really have no time to engage with kids who need Jesus). It dawned on me: do I have this idea that I must have my house to look a certain way before I can have people over? Do I put such unneccessary pressure on myself that I cease from letting people come over to be loved? Is my pride really the limitation of my kingdom impact? It is.
We all want to be accepted by others. Jesus spoke to this in John 5:43-44 "
I'm sorry, dear readers, for limiting the fun, the joy, the entertainment of what God has given me.
I'm sorry, newly found Maryland friends, for not letting you just come on over into my world simply because I got junk laying around.
I'm sorry, possibly potential dates, for not being real or all that God has made me to be. Perhaps you should disregard the last few posts -- they were written with hesitation. I will make every attempt to impress. Who am I kidding!??! I can't make it happen...it just does.
PS -- it snowed yesterday as I was driving home! It snowed in a place where I live!!! It was awesome!!! Not so awesome was having to scrap the ice off my window after DWTS. Off to purchase a real scrapper so I don't have to rely on my driver's license to handle the job each time!
4 comments:
You're feeling what all of us feel at some point or another in our journey Debby. The fact that you can see it and name it for what it is-- that's huge! I'll not dare to give advice; instead I'll just say that I LOVE who you are. You brighten the world around you with your joy and made my world a better place just by being in it for a season. You are beautiful.
Your amazing, just wanted to remind you of that. Miss you down here in Otown.
Neal
Isn't it funny how we have this concept of what is or isn't cool? I was watching the Paralympics the other day and the disabled athletes sang the National Anthem when they won and cried with an abandon I had never seen from non-disabled athletes. They were were unabashed in their display of emotion and I loved it because I didn't feel like they were holding back; it was so incredibly refreshing to see. I am glad you aren't going to do that either - we love you as YOU.
You are the perfect you! And its an amazing you. Thanks for putting it out there sister...we all feel that way and listen to the lies and discredit our heritage. Its Satan's best arsenal.
I soo get the house thing. My dear precious neighbor says to me often that she loves it when my house is a mess and Im folding laundry because then she knows Im not perfect and its then that Im the most approachable. Im sure its the same with you.
On another note. I was asking someone on the church staff who is the funniest person on staff and they said hands down Debby was...LOVE THAT! xooxox P
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